It’s All About that Peen, ’bout that Peen, It’s Trouble

What did you do to cause your kid’s autism, down syndrome, cleft lip, ADHD, (insert disability of your choice HERE)?

What “scientific” breakthrough and subsequent report has placed the blame squarely on your shoulders today? Was it the:

Deli meats

Living in a heavily traffic area

Having old sperm from your old man baby daddy

Being old yourself

Being fat

Being over educated

Being under educated

Did you circumcise?

Wait. What?

You read that correctly. Circumcision of (obviously) male children is now being pulled and yanked into the autism debate. For hundreds of years it’s been widely accepted as fact that nearly all men think with their dicks; it’s nice that science finally “proves” this as a hard fact.

This long overdue study is near to bursting with pivotal information that will likely bring the autism community to its collective knees:

The study of over 340,000 boys born in Denmark between 1994 and 2003 concluded that circumcision raised the chance of developing autism spectrum disorder (ASD) before the age of 10 by 46 per cent. When circumcision was carried out before the age of five, the risk doubled.
(source: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/active/mens-health/11334800/Circumcision-doubles-autism-risk-study-claims.html)

Silly me, based on reading all of those “What To Expect When You’re Expecting” books, and the heavy scientific tombs I dragged to and fro college for all those years, I believed that cockamamie story about neurological development happening in utero. Of course, it has since occurred to me that as a holder of a microbiology degree, I’m only qualified to speak about a handful of topics, anything more than that would be a waste, anyway.

The point is, it always comes down to putting the big hurt on the parents’ choices for their child’s autism. And it shouldn’t. Do scientists and judgmental jerk-offs not realize that parents, specifically mothers, agonize and recount every pregnancy moment when they find out their child has a disability? Do they not realize that every slip up – that deli turkey sandwich, that nibble of soft cheese, the soda, the alcohol consumed before knowing about the pregnancy – it’s all remembered in excruciating detail? Science, we don’t need you to blame us; we already blame ourselves. And, conveniently, our in-laws agree: It’s ALWAYS the mother’s fault.

Science, and your evil twin Faux-ience, have convinced people that they should risk their child dying from a preventable  and once nearly extinct disease like measles and whooping cough, rather than “get” the autism. Thanks for that.

Obviously this is a very tongue-in-cheek OpEd – and that’s because I don’t feel this so-called scientific study is at all worthy of our sincere consideration. So many other things can be studied and considered. Those resources could be shared with families with autistics for respite, OT equipment, therapies, medication, should I go on?

In other words, Science, stop being a dick!